“This one couldn’t punch its way through a wet Kleenex”

I can’t remember the last time I wanted a car as badly as I want the Boxster Spyder. It is really all I need: two great bucket seats, a wheel in each corner, a flimsy top barely describable as a roof and a chassis that never stops giving.

Take the Nissan GT-R for instance. It is such a silly car! You know the story about the bumble bee? The GT-R can’t go really fast around corners, but it doesn’t know it can’t, so it does it anyway. The computers in the GT-R will flatter you way beyond your abilities but the Porsche does that without computers. It is so well balanced that any trouble you get yourself into, you can easily sort them out, even with the PSM turned off. News travel fast in the Boxster Spyder and your hands, butt and feet get it the moment it happens so you really just have to react to something small and nip it in the bud before it develops into anything more serious. It even allows you to slide in the infamous Porsche corner at Ring Knutstorp! Just perfect.

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The once so proud motor city of America is dying and has been for quite some time. I would’ve just loved to have seen this in the fifties. Now there are abandoned buildings everywhere. Entire blocks have gone from being well-kept Victorian mansions to only two houses left with the rest burned down or rotting away ready to be torn down any second. Imagine being one of those still living in what’s left of a once proud neighbourhood.

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It is with great sadness, and a little bit of shame, that I admit that the tease pic of the Porsche is nothing more than a bodykitted stock Carrera. Sure, it has a sports exhaust, short shift and an alcantara clad steering wheel and gearlever, but that’s about it. With looks like that, I half expected the car to rip my spine in two during cornering, have my eyes pop out of their sockets during braking and squeeze all the air out of my lungs during acceleration. Nope, not even the sound was that impressive.

I love the sound Porsches make, all of them. I love Porsche almost unconditionally (except the ugly models like the Cayenne and Panamera), but this Carrera left me disappointed. I would’ve been happier with a plain, stock 997, but with graphics like that, I automatically expected more, lots more.

There is one vital thing one needs to remember when driving a Porsche fast through the corners. My brother illustrated this with excellence when he simulated the sound of a shotgun loading each time i approached a bend with the ESP in sport mode. If the ESP caught the car violently, he immediately made the explosive sound of a shotgun firing. That’s what a Carrera does; it shoots you in the face if you don’t handle it properly. Even a fake Cup racer.

Can you tell I like Aston Martin? Can you tell I’m an idiot for trusting the Web with only a pixelised layer on top of my numbers?

That’s one of the most fantastic looking cars in the history of motoring: the DB4 GT lightweight. Modified for classic racing but still road legal, I found this in London’s Knightsbridge. You can find the original post here.

I had the opportunity to try out a Tesla Roadster Sport yesterday. I’ve heard lots of great things about this car and was looking forward to an enjoyable test drive. However, an electric car needs juice to run and it’s not like you can just stop by a filling station and be fully loaded five minutes later. This is not news, but it’s something that bugs the hell out of me.

For some unbelievable reason, an idiot with the large energy company Fortum, had asked to borrow the car and infringe upon the total of two testing days that we were initially promised. Instead of delivering it first thing in the morning, the little idiot decided to act busy and have some “business meetings” so the Tesla didn’t reach us until barely noon. Fine, we thought, we’d still have a few hours before returning it. Nope, turns out the schmuck had not charged it, so any possible driving time that was left was spent “filling up” so we could make it out to the airport to return it to the Tesla representative.

And therein lies one of the problems with electric vehicles. No matter how great the product may be, you’re still hampered by the time it takes to reload. Unless you can switch out the entire battery pack, you’d better have a sexy woman around to help you with your frustazione.

To add insult to injury, Fortum has been broadcasting commercials about there being charging poles all around the city for the cars of the future. Well, it’d be pretty damn good if you didn’t have to visit with Fortum in advance to get a key to be able to use them. Such stupidity!

So, about the Tesla then. Well, I’ll have to get back to you on that one as I had to drive in energy saving mode the whole time. However, I can say this: it’s a pretty great little car, albeit eerily quiet. The ride is smooth and sporty and the seamless power delivery takes a while getting used to. Torque delivery is quite awesome and makes for super quick acceleration times, provided you have enough electrons running free.
Did Logitech provide the steering wheel? It kinda feels like it came off the Logitech G27 racing wheel. The thing costs twice that of a Nissan GT-R but they both share the interior of a videogame, the Tesla a little less gimmicky than the GT-R.

I admire Tesla for trying to do great things but they’ll never win me over. I need an engine, a beating heart of some sort. This thing’s as lifeless as your average radio. Perhaps I shouldn’t drive it again, I might change my mind.

See this piece of jewellery?

Some fucker is trying to con me out of it. If you want to do some good in the world, spam the living crap out of this SOB: penperica@yahoo.com

Just let it rip, anything you’ve got. And please let me know what you’re up to, it makes for more fun that way.

I have told you tales about being able to park almost anywhere due to its tiny size. Well, I am currently undertaking a project to hammer that point home thoroughly. Starting with this, I will post pictures of the Polackette squeezed inbetween the most unimaginable things. Or, perhaps just where you can’t park your car.

Sorry for the grainy picture. Hand held iPhone at night doesn’t render the sharpest of images.

Some asshole came onto my Polish mistress a little too hard! It’s not like she’s got any weight on her to withstand such manhandling. I’ve got his phone number though, so it can’t possibly have been some American SUV driving mother lover. Let’s see if he can make it up to her without laying his filthy paws on her again.

So, I finally got that elusive piece of aluminium that I needed for the seat pan.
After some shaping, I realised that it wouldn’t be enough with just having it looking nice from on top, but that I actually would have to bend it to fit the frame. This is where the problems began.

Also, the wiring is bugging the hell out of me. How am I going to be able to sort that mess out and get the bike working properly again? It’s a nightmare.

Seat pan nice and done. It took an immense amount of time compared to what I thought it was going to take. I think that if I had known the amount of time and effort such a build takes, then I would never have started.

Turns out that I am not completely hopeless. Now I am just going to come up with a nifty way of attaching it. I’ve got an idea…

See the bike in the background in the second picture? I just bought it and am planning to turn it into this:

Ok, so I’m nuts. I’ve just convinced myself to modify, or make an entirely new rear frame! Thing is, I can’t handle half measures so I have to do it properly. If I don’t do it I’ll kick myself, but I’ll probably be kicking myself while doing it too.
In the words of Barney Stinson, “This will be awesome!”

Progress

It’s not even easy taking things off so it sure won’t be easy putting it back on. However, hanging a full evening in the garage with likeminded fellows is good for the soul. It may not be the speediest procedure but it sure is fun. This may be child’s play for many but it’s a daunting task for me. Next step will be making a new wiring system.
I also need to unload all that I am removing so there are quite a few things up for sale:

BMW original seat. Shows some wear and there is a small rip on the left side in the front.

Original mufflers. Good condition.

Dashboard for r75/6

Mirrors. Original BMW. Shows wear and one deep scratch on the right one.

Side panels. Right one has a small crack in it.

Aftermarket miniblinkers/turnsignals

More to come so stay tuned.

Everyday I love her more, just how it’s supposed to be. I will never relinquish her after what happened today!
After having been buried in snow for over six weeks, in temperatures down to -20 degrees, she started right up after having tugged on the starter for five seconds. Absolutely mindblowingly fantastic!
This has now given me the crazy idea of trying to cross the North American continent with my beloved Katarzyna. Now that would be something!

The emotional bond you form with a car during a long journey can be either of two things; you hate it from the bottom of your heart or you end up loving it, there are no in-betweens. You can never be indifferent towards it. My newfound bond with Katarzyna has left me scouring sites for parts wanting to upgrade her to 21st century standards. I found some amazing sites listing all kinds of upgrades from sport suspension to entire engines that have been rebuilt and tuned by some Italian man with magic fingers.

So, my thought on the event I just finished. I loved it. I really did, however, as an experienced organiser of car related events, I can point to a some of flaws that I believe should have been dealt with in another fashion than what was actually done. For example, there should have been CLEAR rules from the get go of what could and could not be done. Instead every such thing was very vague and no one seemed to know what exactly the going rate was for anything. There was an immense amount of reckless driving, almost to the point of danger and luckily no one got hurt. There was one minor fender bender but that was not related to any of this, just bad brakes and a lack of ABS. This seemed like a free for all with the organiser washing his hands by just being far enough away.

If one is to organise a road race, which this clearly was, one needs to make certain what kind of category one wants to adhere to. There are namely two: the gentlemen’s race and the mad man’s race. For next time I would like to see clear rules so that one can make a distinction between the two. To check possible mischief, offenders need to know they will be punished by threat of disqualification for body contact, risky overtaking, not observing traffic rules etc. I am not talking about speeding here but rather crazy manoeuvring. Everyone properly interested in cars know that speed limits are stupid and not relevant to modern cars. In a race one speeds, naturally, however for it to be called a gentleman’s race, one can never have crossing the finish line as number one as the only rule as some are always willing to risk it all in order to secure that place. No, one has to get creative, or have strict rules of what one is allowed to do to obtain that first place.

I think Peter Ternström did one hell of a job scouring through Poland to find the proper cars, getting the right mechanics to work with only two hours of sleep per night, having the proper back up in terms of spare parts and cars and getting the project off the ground in the first place. Where he can improve is by just setting some basic ground rules for the event. I don’t want to participate in an event where I am scared of what the others might do. The 126 is a frightfully small car and extremely fragile, especially at the speeds we were travelling. I do however want it to still be a race of sorts because it is possible as the car won’t do more than 125km/h. It is the perfect car for a road race. Even on a race track you have rules. The same should apply here. It’s just common sense. To sum it up, thank you Peter. I had a great time, now make it even better for next time.

15:30 – We were in the top five when we stopped for petrol 10 kms outside Jönköping, 355 kms from Stockholm. Naturally we check the engine to make sure it’s doing fine. That’s when I notice the brackets for the muffler has cracked and come undone.

Again, steel wire came to the rescue. We’re now doing a measily 100 km/h in order to bring Katarzyna to Stockholm without further ado. Damnit again!

Click here to see video!

Five spare engines is soon down to four!

The start has been pushed back a couple of hours due to car maintenance. Some of the top ten cars are out there which bodes well for us. This car has to run 1400 kms problem free or else any chance of winning goes bye bye.

It seems there’s come controversy around the top ten list. The organisor’s Land Rover got stuck in Autobahn mode so he couldn’t be at the hotel in time to certify the running order. Instead the participants themselves had to keep track and that never leads to anything good. Especially in a group this competitive.

I don’t want to jinx anything but Katarzyna is really in tip top shape. She started up immediately and without hesitation this morning, a quick oil check later revelad that she’s in perfect condition. She will see us through and considering our responsible driving I am sure we can bring her in top five. Like I have said before, winning is pretty much out of the question because we don’t have what it takes, or lack what it takes I should say (braincells).

We’re finally at the hotel, which is only half a step up from a Formule 1 mind you, and exhausted. The rain started some 20 kms outside Berlin and kept on pouring. Slowly we have learned to trust Katarzyna and she’s treating us well so far. Our initial fears  were unfounded and we will be stepping on it hard tomorrow. Others have had problems with batteries, fuel pumps and cam shafts. We can’t even hear a sputtering sound at full throttle which some others seem to. All in all, Katarzyna is perfect, apart from some cosmetic blemishes but that just makes us like her even more.

It’s well cramped.

Here’s a link to a video from the track Tor Poznan, filmed from Katarzyna featuring the entire field of contestants. Click here.

Some fellow Norwegians from Team Race Universe didn’t have windscreen wipers so they did 110km/h in pouring rain on pure faith! Them’s got mucho cojones!

We have basically given up on winning. We got to Stadt Wittstock in 12th place after having run around the town looking for the bloody thing for about 10 full minutes. We could’ve been in the top 5 had we just followed our gut, damnit! Back to the winning thing. It will come down to who sacrifices the most and some seem to think that overtaking lorries on the right and tailgating is fine in order to win, we don’t. We’ll be observing caution but will also make sure to keep the pedal welded to the metal as Katarzyna obiously can handle it. I am guessing that the car with the most structural integrity will be the final winner, not the most daring driver.

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10:30 – The breakfast of champions! This could make or break our efforts.

Actually, this could make or break our efforts:

Some of our competition mounting two 20 litre jerrycans in the backseat of his car for longer fuel range. Due to lack of regulations in the rally, some have taken it upon themselves to modify their cars beyond recognition. I am hoping this guy will be slapped with a penalty of some sorts. At least he’s going to be nauseasted by the smell of petrol fumes coming from his contraption.

Closing down operations here to get to the garage and Tor Poznan. More updates to come in a few hours.